Making peace with the mother in law over dessert

Picture from:
Today I invited my friend that wrote for us "Do you dare to get married", to write another relationship post.
Her story talks about the issues between mother and daughter in law at the beginning of a marriage. This is pretty interesting, and I am sure most women out there have these kind of issues all the time. She added a lovely twist of teaching us an amazing recipe at the end.

So without further ado, here is her post:

Carolina Farani (the writer)
I was very happy when Paola Cioppi invited me to write another post on her blog.

At this moment, I will report a small drama that I am living in - maybe you, daughter in law, is going through the same situation and need a light to help you.

Earlier this year, for those who do not know, my husband and I lived in London; in a decision, or rather, in a compulsive outbreak we decided to return to our homeland even though it may not have been one of the best choices - the situation between Diego (lovely husband) and I was not very good and we had many disputes to sort out.

At the airport there was a series of events that I wish I had amnesia to solve this problem, making me forget the terrible times we had before we boarded - this will be for another post.

Arriving in Brazil, we were very happy with the warm welcome from the family and the Brazilian climate. I didn't stop talking in the car, telling them everything about our little adventure in London, during those nine months that we were there. 

First week was pure joy; lunch with the family, laughter, walks on the beach, playing with the little
dog, meeting friends etc.

After the first week, reality kicked in – What to do to sustain ourselves? The government is killing the country, there are no jobs, what now? - It was a big shock, a reality check.

With all this ´´grotesque`` situation, my stress level rose, which led me to have a nasty argument with my husband and consequently an annoying quarrel with my mother in law.

Three days without talking to Diego was enough to feel the loneliness - I missed someone to share moments with and talk.

No one, not Diego, or even I accepted my attitude. I needed to re-conquer all, I had to work hard and create some strategies to make them stop seeing me as the enemy, or a mad monster. 

On my birthday, I didn't get congratulations from my mother in law, but I still made a cake and separated some pieces for Diego's parents - it seems that this attempt did not succeed. 

I'll tel you a secret, it was my dermatologist that told me to make a cake to please the mother in law.
Taken from:
The second attempt was at Easter; with chocolates eggs being expensive in Brazil, it was almost
impossible to buy them for everyone. Lunch would be at my husband's parent's house, and it was an opportunity to do something.

With the thought of my dermatologist's tip, this time I didn’t bake a cake; I did something unusual, a
pave of oats and peanuts. (*Pave is originally a french dessert that is very commonly used in Brazil, it is a cold pie that consists of biscuits or a soft cake, moistened with flavoured liquids and layers of cream)

For you who is trying to win the mother in law, perhaps my dessert is a good solution to raise the white flag between her and you.

I was never a daughter in law that talks much, specially because I am shy. I realise that the other daughter in law (Diego's brother's wife) interacts much more than me, she also made a dessert. 

This time I may have been out of conversations in the kitchen among the women of the family,
but I participated with the dessert - I made presence.

Diego was the first to taste it, which soon opened the doors for others to have courage and try it too. Everyone tried it, success! 

You, poorly understood daughter in law, do not be sad or stubborn, raise the white flag with your mother in law, she is the main piece for you to have a good relationship with your husband.
Conquer allies and not enemies.

I will share the recipe of my dessert with you, this is a family secret so make a good use of it!

The dubbed ´´Truce with the mother in law``:

Pave Oatmeal with Peanut

Pave's suggestion: you can add M&M's at the top to look more festive

For the cream

* 6 tablespoons flaked oat;
* 2 cups (tea) of whole milk;
* 3/4 can of condensed milk;
* 1/2 cup (tea) of roasted and ground peanuts;
* 1 tablespoon sugar.

For the pave

* 1 ladyfingers package;
* 1 cup (tea) of whole milk;
* 1/2 cup (tea) of condensed milk;
* 1/2 cup (tea) of roasted and ground peanuts.

Method of preparation:

For the cream

1. Place all ingredients for the cream in a saucepan in low heat. Stir until it thickens, cook for another two minutes. Remove from heat.

For the pave

2. Mix the milk with condensed milk, and soak the ladyfingers with it.

3. In a small container, line the bottom with half of the pack of soaked ladyfingers. Place half the cream on top, and make another layer of ladyfingers and cream. Top it off with the roasted peanuts sprinkled around.

4. Put it in the refrigerator for about 2 hours to set and serve.

Enjoy! And make peace!


  1. What an interesting read, I hope you're all settled in Brazil now and everyone is getting on well!

  2. I am a newly wed as well. I've never had an issue with my mother in law until my husband I got married. She showed her true colors and I'm not sure we'll ever speak again. Even my husband doesn't want her around us. She's a cruel person. Maybe in a few months or so after she's calmed down I'll present her with a dessert. Treat your enemies with kindness right? Great idea :)

  3. Mother-in-laws can be a real trial! I never really got on with my first!

  4. Ahah :) Nice happy ending ! Mothers in law... I know pretty well the difficult situations between girls and their mother in law. I have never found the best solution to solve the argument... Maybe I should try a dessert?

  5. That dessert looks so good! And kinda random, but you're super pretty!


  6. New in the family is always something that needs to grow for everyone, but that dessert will make a good impression :D

  7. I am also Brazilian, Carolina, and I laughed a lot with your post. I can imagine every situation! Also I identify with being an expat. Our home country is a mess, and it has been since we were born and way before, but lately, every time I step back there I think about moving back. The feeling goes away in a week, though. :) I admire your courage to go back and try living there again. I hope that it all goes well for you guys. And Oat pave? HM! Thanks for sharing!

    1. hahaha!
      I want to go back!
      After the disagreement with my mother in law and the politics of Brazil....Why God!?
      I will make another post about it.
      ahaha! Kisses!

  8. Sometimes an olive branch is so much sweeter. <3 Sometimes it's so hard to be a daughter-in-law but this seems like a great way to bridge the gap and create some peace in the situation!

  9. I'm not married yet but this is one of my biggest fear ! Having a mother in law that doesn't like me or just be the reason why my husband and his family don't get along ! The thought is scary but... Thank you for sharing this personal experience with us. I hope everything goes right between you and your husband :)

  10. hope you'll get settles in Brazil! the cake looks delicious <3

  11. This post was amazing and oh my, I have to try that recipe!

    <3: Jasmin N |

  12. Maybe it's a cultural thing, but in my opinion, the argument between you and your husband was none of your MIL's business. The type of cake you described sounds similar to a Tres Leches cake.


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