Wednesday, 25 March 2015
How to Succeed in a Long Distance Relationship
A long distance relationship is becoming more and more common, maybe because of the globalization phenomenon we feel that we don't find our other half just in the same area you live, or because circumstances took you to meet your dream person somewhere else.
Then you hear "distance relationships don't work". Well it depends. As any relationship, some work and some don't, distance is not a true reason to make it not work.
If 2 people really want to be together, there is no distance or time that will pull them apart. If 1 of them isn't really sure, then that's when it fails. The distance just helps you find out quicker!
So both of you decided to give it a go in the long distance thing, but you're not quite sure what you need to do to make it. Here are a few pointers:
- Be in contact. Well daah right?! Mmm, you do know you have to be in contact but you're not quite sure how often.
1. Don't spend 24/7 messaging or skyping.
2. Don't talk once a month.
You have to find a common ground of how much you 2 can chat without harming each others normal daily duties. So maybe exchange messages for 10 minutes once a day, and video chat for an hour or so once a week, or whatever you feel it's better.
My man and I exchange messages once a day, usually at night, tell each other about our day, and whenever we have an extra time we skype each other for about 1 hour. Unless is a special day then we chat for longer.
- Respect the time zones. Yes, we tend to forget that our significant other has maybe a 5 hour difference to yours, and what can be afternoon for you, it may be night for them. So just check and be sure what is the time difference, so you 2 can communicate at an appropriate time for both. Respecting sleepy time and busy time for both.
- Respect the freedom. I'm not talking about having this type of relationship and thinking it's allowed to go around having affairs.Unless that is the deal between the 2 of you, you have to be committed just like you were in a conventional relationship. I mean don't forget your local life, so your work, your colleagues, your family, your friends. Live as normal as you can.
- Trust each other. Yes, the distance comes with jealousy and suspicion. But both of you must not feel insecure. Remember if you 2 chose to be in a long distance relationship is because you care enough to be faithful to the other. Otherwise why would you put yourself through this?!
- Be intimate. Allow yourselves to talk about touchy, embarrassing subjects. Being open with each other allows a new level of confidence with each other that makes all the difference between friends and partners.
- Be patient. The quantity of misunderstandings are much bigger in a relationship of this sort. And trust me, it is never because the other meant to be misunderstood. If you are bothered, angry or anything of the sort, first breathe and calm down. Try to talk to the person and explain that you are getting hurt because you are understanding X, and let them explain to you what they meant. This will avoid a lot of really stupid fights!
- Talk about your day. Sounds ridiculous, but if you were dating in the same area, you would talk daily and tell each other how your day was and what you did. Do the same when you are far. This gives a sensation of proximity that is a major helper.
- Interact with each other. Find something both of you can do together over video chat or messages, like play an online game, or watch a movie together.
- Be funny in camera. When you video chat, let it go. Don't feel like you can't be yourself. Be funny, make faces, make jokes, weird sounds. This is about the 2 of you having fun with each other, and not about who might be seeing your stream out there.
- Plan something for both of you to do together when you see each other. This is something you can look forward to and be excited about. This makes the time away from each other feel shorter. Plan together. Enjoy this process.
- Don't put pressure on each other because of money. Having enough money to get a flight ticket to see each other is never easy. You can find deals, but it's not something cheap. So, be calm and both of you need to work hard to get the money, but don't make the other feel like they are not doing their part.
- Make the most of it when you see each other. Hell yes right?! Yes. Enjoy each other's company, each other's touch. Do the things you wanted to do together. Don't waste time fighting, or being angry, or upset that you will leave again. Enjoy the present!
- Try to understand the lifestyle. Each person has a lifestyle, specially a distance couple. They have different ways of doing things that are completely normal to them while to you may seem weird. So try to understand the differences in lifestyles. And how you 2 can adapt to accommodate both in a middle ground. Don't forget when you are in public, if you are the outsider you should try and act within the local manners, so if you are from a hot country where you grew up wearing tiny shorts and showing it all, and you are going to a conservative place, do mind not to show all your bits and embarrass your partner. ;)
- Be positive when saying bye. Saying goodbye is the hardest part. But when it happens try to keep it light, no crying, or saying negative things. Remember the joyous time. Comment on how soon you will see each other again. It is easier for both of you like this.
- Don't prolong the goodbye. You will have to say bye, and eventually you will say hi again. Clinging on your loved one and crying and kissing and not letting go is just making it harder for both of you. Give a nice and tight hug, a good kiss, smell each other again, then let go and leave. Don't just give your back and run away, say bye nicely, just don't almost loose your flight because of it.
These 15 tips came from personal experience, from seeing other distance couples and from talking to my man about it. He says though, that I should include an item saying that when you see each other you should give your partner back massages. Hehehe.
Have you ever been in a long distance relationship?
Leave me a comment letting me know.