Wednesday, 26 November 2014
Dealing with Bad News
Alright, so on the 7th it was my birthday. I turned 28 years old.
I have been a very healthy girl my whole life, but in the beginning of this year I found out I had a hypothyroid.
Not too bad, not healthy, but something that´s totally deal able!
I did my blood tests, started taking my thyroid med. Everything the doctor told me to do.
Yeah I got upset because I thought I would start having health issues later in life.
But since it wasn´t something big I was OK with it, and continued on.
A few months later I had to go for check up again, with the specialist. Once again, I did all my blood tests and went in. It was all fine, and she asked me to do an ultrasound.
Suspicious masses showed up.
She asked me then to do the Thyroid biopsy through fine needle.
And must I say that was an awful exam!!!
The local anaesthetic wore off during it, and I felt all the pain of it half way through.
But I thought, you know what? It hurt, had pain after for a full day, but all doubts will be over, and I´ll be fine. It´ll have been worth it!
Oh boy, was I wrong?!
The result from the biopsy arrived on my birthday!
And guess what? Yes. Carcinoma!
Awesome! I was sick and didn´t know it.
I´m no doctor. But I´m a graduated Dietitian, with focus on the clinical side of it.
So I know stuff! I know when a doctor says something in a certain way, truly means something else, and I know what certain results means too. And if I didn´t know, I know where to search for the correct and straight forward scientific information.
So yeah, I´ve cried, panicked, and been sad.
I´m supposed to get married in January, and now half way through November I find out I have to go through procedures to get that cancer out of me!
I´m OK dealing with it now. But some days, at some times I get sad, and worried.
I was supposed to be in the last few months of my single life enjoying the pure fact I´m getting to be with the man of my dreams for the rest of my life. And now, those months have become worry and sadness.
Some people have told me to rely on a spiritual faith to cope with it.
But that´s not really my thing.
My surgery will be tomorrow, and my nerves are sky rocketing!
My conscious mind is kind of calm. But my subconscious is killing me. My face has burst with redness everywhere, my neck is sore, and my heart is quite accelerated.
What have I been doing?
Well, I try not to think about it, I watch funny movies, no sad ones. I try to keep myself busy.
If thoughts crawl in then I start doing some sort of calculation. Math is a great way to keep my mind focused on numbers and not on life.
So for me it has worked wonders.